Konnichiwa Mina-San~!
Ima wa-  .....
HAHAH I'm kidding. I'm not gonna start talking in Jap romanji.
Anyway, I just want to say that I'll be travelling tomorrow! :D
I'll be going to Sarawak and then Brunei.
Well, my well-deserved break after studying. Stupid Calculus. I think I'm going to fail. This will be the first time failing ever. Screw Calculus. I'll break you when I return!
For now, I'll download all the songs that I've been missing out.
I like this song! Just found it~ ^^


Bye!

Hello. I figured that I should post happy things this time.
Okay, I don't sound very happy but I'm kinda feeling neutral here. Heh :/
Just now, I went shopping at Chamelon with Yijing. It's on promotion and they're selling things at 10 for $5. What kinda of deal is this right? Obviously I must buy! Haha So we bought A LOT! I spend $12 all on myself. Such a greedy girl I am. I shall show you guys what I bought...

The hairbands and rings are all 10 for $5. Super cheap. Look at the amount of rings I've bought! I can throw away all my old rusty ones! ^-^ Okay, the dolphin ring is not included. It's $2 for one cause its original price is more expensive? Well, I don't know how they count.

Look at the umbrella! It's so cute. And the pink flower. And the shiny butterfly.

/spazz over silly things

 This necklace is only $2! Where to find? It's literally SEXY. The red S is suppose to be the hook at the back. Gosh, I love the design. So sexy~ Hahaha

 Well, it's $2 too! I think it's quite cute. Or maybe not. Heh :/

 

After that, we went for lunch and shop around somemore. She going to watch Catching Fire and I went home to do project~ Why~! Oh. I bought new sneaks in Malaysia. For New Year or whatever. Wanted to get the red but it's too cliché. So I got a weird colour instead. It's half purple, half neon and half pink. I have no idea what colour it is. But it looks cool. So... /shrugs

Next up! I'm reporting my days in reverse order. But who cares~! :p
COSFEST! First time into character cosplay and it's fun. Something like living an alternate life where you're still you not you don't look like you and you can't behave like yourself. Sounds confusing? Hahah I talked like that on purpose.
My friends and I, we cosplayed K-on! We're missing Ritsu tho. But it's fine. We'll find someone to cosplay her someday. I cosplayed Azusa. The 'Moe' cutesy girl. Shortest in K-On. Suits me doesn't she? Heheh It's isn't that bad cosplaying as her... maybe except for the fact that the wig is SUPER HEAVY. I swear my neck was gonna snap.
Anyway, enough talking. Here's some pictures I snapped with my phone.

 

Mio & Azusa



 Mio, Azusa, Tsumugi. Where's Yui~

 Here comes the infamous Azu-Nya!



Here's come pictures that others took and I absolutely love~
So much feel~ I like ^-^  K-On selca. Haha

 Isn't the lighting nice? All blue~ and blue~ and blue~

 Yijing's 'papa' took this. Azusa signature pose. I couldn't get away from it.. But it's nice.

 So much purple~

 Someone took this. Don't know why. Credits to you, random photographer. I think we all look good.

 Finally! Yui~! Haha Mio is frightening tall. She has heels on. But still. Woah. Don't stand beside me!

 A random Ritsu we found! So, we decided to snap one! Too bad Yui isn't here. If not, we'll have the full set! How cool is that?!

 I love this picture.

 And this too.

That's all for cosfest! ^-^ It was very warm, the sun was merciless. But it did drizzle a little in the evening. So it's fine! And I saw Zoro and Sanji! Didn't see Luffy tho. I'm surprised. Oh! I saw BoA Hancock too! It's so amusing!

The day before Cosfest, I went Yijing's house to bake. It was super warm. Her house is like an oven, plus we were baking, so there's an oven and it's double the warm! Gosh, I can perspire just thinking about it. Hahah Our strawberry cupcakes fail badly and we wasted a whole box of strawberry. But the green tea and chocolate were not bad. Oh well.

Blended strawberry. Heh. Looks like blended heart/lung/liver.

 

 That's a lot of cupcakes..

 

Now, let's move on to the random things that happened.
Yijing and I have scary telepathy. I was watching this random anime that I found few weeks back and last night, she told me about this nice random anime that she started watching. I was reading her whatsapp and found the storyplot familiar. So I opened up my bookmark and realised that we were watching the same anime! That is kinda freaky. Cause...there are millions of anime in the world and here we are, watching the same random one. Freaky.

Then, today at Chamelon, we were choosing rings. She was spazzing over pink and shiny rings, I was spazzing over blue and shiny rings. For three times, we weren't looking at each other but we picked out the same ring design but different colour, mine blue and hers pink, and we were like 'Ooh look at this'. And when we looked, we went 'Eh~ wth'. Cause we picked up the same ones. It was creepy since it happened a few times in 10 minutes. We should stop. Haha It was funny. In the end, we got couple rings. Foot designs which looks cute but funny. Of course, I got the blue one.

Oh. I watched Diabolik Lovers last night. The sadistic vampire anime which is suppose to be an otome game. It's really scary and sadistic as said. The vampires are all crazy and they suck blood like...in this really sick and scary way but it's really seductive as well. My stomach did weird flips. Now I wanna cosplay as the girl cause she's pretty. Her hair's blonde and her eyes are red. How nice. And the night sch uniform she wears looks nice too. I want a vampire boyfriend too! So... seductive and mysterious and cool and creepy... But still so sexy. Haha What am I saying? I'm secretly a machoist I think. Sometimes I think I'm a sadist. Maybe I'm both. I don't know. It doesn't matter.
They're cool right?
My favourite is the eldest, which is the blonde (second from right) and the one with the hat.
They're all sick. But.. so cool. Yeah :/

The girl which I can't rem her name...

 



Now for the disgusting story...
A freaking cockroach woke me up at 7 in the morning! How did it manage to do that?
It climbed up my bed! And that's not all! It went to my ear to speak to me! I seriously want to chop off my ears right now. I have no idea how it manage to climb onto my pillow, past the mob of hair and went to my ear! Oh my god. /shivers in disgust
I didn't know and swiped cause it was making 'crunching' noises, the sort of noise you hear when your ear is rubbing against yr pillow. I swiped a lot of times cause I was freaking out and I wasn't even wide awake yet! So, I paused for a moment and mentally prayed that it was a moth or butterfly. BUT NO! I on the lights and looked around, nothing on the walls. I couldn't see well so I grabbed my glasses. Still nothing when I looked around. I became desperate cause I knew it was something else. Something more gross than a moth. *not for faint hearts*
I wack my pillow once and a little brown thingy crawled out from the head of my bed! I was like WTH?! GO AWAY! And kept smacking the bed. It crawled to the side along the length of my bed and went underneath. So I stomped on my bed, jumping all around trying to shake it off to the floor. But EWWWW! A cockroach! Went to my ear!
I AM SO MOVING OUT OF THE HOUSE!
So I grabbed my blanket, wrapped myself into a ball and slept on my parents bed. My dad walked in from the kitchen and got a scare. I seriously... need to change my bedsheet and set booby traps around my bed. I can never sleep in peace from now on... T^T

That's all for today!

A message, loud and clear.

Hello. Trecia is alive and ever so healthy. I'm alive, everyone. Don't worry.
I'm back to rant. This blog is so dead, I thought, why not liven up with a few naggy rants? Yeah. It sounds stupid. My rants are probably stupid too.

2010
So. I'm not one who's exceptionally sociable or friendly. It's not like I make friends with a snap of my fingers. I get awkward, I get shy and I don't know what to say most of the time. So when I do have friends, I'll want them to stay. I mean, who doesn't think this way huh?

Problem is, I'm always in this situation. Since I'm in Secondary School. The peacemaker, the one who tries to compromise and also the one who gets forgotten and kicked aside. Well, it's sounds bad. But it really isn't all that horrible. You just continue with your life as usual. Talk to whoever that talks to you and play with whoever that notices you. Most importantly, you just live your own life. Like nothing happened. Some people notice, most people don't. Because everyone's selfish, in a good way that they protect themselves, and in a bad way where they're too obsessed with themselves.

I was young, I was 15/16, I thought it didn't matter. Some people are meant for you to keep and some are just passers-by. I thought, maybe I haven't met someone for me to kept yet. I can keep waiting. I'm young, I'm not half way into my life journey, these people were just not meant to be mine. It's fine.

I always thought that way but my heart told me otherwise. It did bothered me. A lot. The things that happened bothered me and I do think about it. After all, everyone needs a friend. Everyone wanted to be cared for, sincerely, and they need a place to fall back to. For me, I always have it there for me, I know it but I don't dare to fall back into it. What if the wall isn't stable and I'll fall right through the bricks? What if that wall wasn't even there to support me?  I'm not secure so I don't seek that wall.

It turned out that I was right after all. What I thought was my closest friend never did treated me like one. That wall was seldom there. That wall that wanted to be noticed, the wall that wanted to be bright and vibrant and painted with beautiful colours, couldn't stand a grey spot on it. The wall didn't like the grey spot. It didn't like it when others though grey was a beautiful colour. It didn't like it when people tried to get the grey spot onto their wall instead. The grey spot was forever stuck in the middle with both sides of doom to walk into.

Then, it was decided, the grey spot will grow up and become black instead. Black, which is secretive and mysterious and sometimes dull. People didn't care about the change. Some thought it was no big deal, some thought black was beautiful.

I became less talkative and I didn't seek attention. I was fine being quiet most of the time since my opinions didn't really matter either.

This story is confusing. I know it is. I'm confused as to what happened as well.
Perhaps we were all childish back then. Many things we did didn't make sense. I have no idea how that incident began. It wasn't my say but I felt apologetic. Perhaps the root cause of it all was plain jealousy. Jealousy which made people begin to hate and discrimimate.

I didn't particularly like it so I apologised. I tried to make it right, tried to be there to make it better. Maybe it never once worked. It can be the resentment, it can be the hurt. It didn't matter. I didn't once make it pass that wall. We had deep converations, we explained, we argued. It did seemed like it worked, but deep down, somewhere at the bottom, the resentment is present. It never did went away. I was fooled. Thoroughly, fooled and I stupidly chose to believe I crossed the wall.

I was abandoned once and I was abandoned twice. The first time because I wanted to be part of them. The second time because I wanted to make things right again. Both times, it didn't make much sense to me. Why I chose to do whatever I did. But I didn't regret it one bit. It made me stronger, it helped me learn. On why I shouldn't try to be kind to people who doesn't appreciate it. Also, I learnt not get hurt.

 Well, whatever, I was still hurt. Intentionally or not, it wasn't a good feeling. We're all human, no matter how stonic my face is or how I don't react to things. I feel and I don't necessarily have to show it to you. It doesn't mean you can insult or hurt me, straight in my face like you would, without caring if it would affect me. Perhaps it didn't occur to you that calling me nasty names in front of everyone would hurt me. No, it didn't affect my pride or my ego. I was upset. Upset of the fact that you would think that way. Upset at why you would want to hurt a friend. I became angry even. But I got over it quickly. That was not something to fret about.

It didn't get better. At first, I was all that you've got. Most people hated you, they couldn't understand why I chose to stick with you. They all thought I deserved better. But I thought you deserved better too. Abandoned, I was, yet again, when you found someone else. You never did need me anymore since all I was was a boring, dull classmate.

I'm sorry that I don't make funny jokes or do silly things. I'm sorry for being a boring person. But you should be sorry that you abandoned me. You complained because I didn't contact you often enough. I just thought, maybe you've moved on from me, since all you ever did was not contact me. It made me think: Why should I contact you first? Is it because I needed your company? Is contacting me first going to bruise your ego? I want you to contact me instead. Because I know that's the last thing that you will do.
So, I never did contact you after all. Just as expected, you never did contact me too. Guess it shows how much I meant to you. I'll always known but I can't deny it any longer.

2013
It was the past to me and it really didn't matter anymore. I'm not afraid to make new friends. In fact, I'm not afraid of anything now. I was young and I was hurt. What could possibly bring the new, stronger and mature me down? Absolutely nothing.

Again, maybe I was wrong. It is deja vu.
The feeling of being pushed aside is back. I don't feel important to anyone. Does it matter? Well, maybe not so much. Been there, done that. Does it hurt as much? Maybe no, since I could handle it. Maybe yes, since I know I probably don't deserve it.

I don't blame you for not considering my feelings. You were in a fix yourself and it isn't pretty. What I wished for was to be left alone. Not to be touched. No words to waver me. But no. You assumed and dragged me in and pushed me to the side where you didn't favour. Could I speak up? Well, no, because it would make things worse plus I was unsure. Well, yes, because I was dying to scream my lungs out. It was plain unfair. It was so unfair I wanted to just 'heck' with it and leave. I ain't dealing with such things anymore. Is it fun trying to bring everyone together and then being abandoned yourself? It must be a joke. A horribly sick joke. I should have known. The good person always dies first isn't it?

The funny thing is... really funny. A sick joke that doesn't have a ending. A joker that doesn't know his own limits. Three years. Three long years. You've been self-centered for three years. Can I ask to be selfish too? How about I just claimed everything as my own and start to kick people out? How about I pretend you don't exist and ignore you just for the hell of it? How about I abandon you and then be all nonchalant about it? Can I do that? Will you be upset? Will you feel how I felt?

 I don't always know how you feel or think. I admit I'm not always the most gracious person around. I'm not a saint and I definitely do not know if I've hurt anyone unintentionally. The least you could do is to let me know. Tell me how you feel. So we can cross the barrier together. So that I know.

Tell me why is it that you chose to do things a certain way. Tell me why you think it's okay to sometimes fly aeroplane. Tell me why you don't look at my way. Tell me why you are so selective in hearing things. Tell me why it is that make it seems like you don't care. Tell me what you're hiding.

Tell me so that my resentment will go away. So that I will understand. So that I will know when to back away. So, will you tell me?

If you want to abandon me, do it in my face. Let me cry over it for a day and get on my with life. Give me a proper explanation and let me move on. Don't do it discreetly, leaving me to mull over it, get upset and then blame myself. I want to move on with my life and leave it behind.

If you don't try to speak up, everyone will explode. I will, she will, you will.
Because this is real life and you can't just replay the happy scenes as and when you like.
This is reality. You have to face it.

I'm sorry if most of my writings don't make sense. It's nothing strangers should know anyway.

This is just a message, loud and clear.