79 problems

'I got 99 problems but you won't be one'

I have 99 problems too.
10 problems are Uni issues.
Another 10 problems are personal issues.
The rest of 79 problems are caused by mom.
Hurray. What's new?

It's just kinda suffocating the way she controls every single detail of my life. She wants to know everything but she doesn't listen. I think she has a control freak problem.

I don't think I need someone to tell me how much rice I should eat during dinner. If I'm full, I'm full. If I eat a full bowl today, it doesn't mean I have to eat a full bowl tomorrow too. Or for the rest of the week. Can't I decide upon myself how much I want to eat? /sighs

Why can't I stay in my room most of the time? It's not like I'm turning into a hermit or frog. There's nothing else to do outside of my room anyway. It's not like my house is big. There's nowhere to go. What can I do at home? Sit in the middle of the living room and meditate? I might if the fan actually does its purpose.

The humiliation when I'm asked to drink water. I don't know why it's still happening. I don't even get ill easily anymore and I'm sure I'm capable of hydrating myself properly. I don't have to be drinking water every other minute.

It's even funnier when my aunt with a 3/4 year old daughter was asked to drink water, and then my mom had this sudden realization moment, and she asked me to drink water too. I'm like 5 times her age. I don't need to be babysitted like her anymore. I'm embarrassed. /sighs.

Sometimes I bother, sometimes I don't. What's the point of trying when you know it's going to happen time and again until I- Well, for now, let's just say forever. It's going to happen for the rest of my life. It's never going to stop.

Now, I think that the main issue is that she probably doesn't realise that I'm actually 20 years old in age, probably 18 in mentality and definitely not a 10 year old anymore. Hell, I never handled Uni issues myself with no guidance and that doesn't mean anything. Hey, I even paraded down the streets with 6k and didn't get robbed immediately. That must mean something right?

Maybe no. That doesn't mean a thing. It probably won't mean anything in 5 years time too. I'm forever going to be babysitted till I get married. Then, I'll get babysitted while my children are getting babysitted and we'll all be babysitted together. It sounds so fun. /sighs.

I don't think I need reminders to pack my bag before going to bed because that's common sense and engraved in me since I was in Primary school. Having to wake up at 6am, and then taking a shower, dressing up and attempting to have breakfast is already hetic enough. Why would I not pack my bag the night before? Unless I have the desire to be late for school. If not, nope.
But really... even if I pack my bag in the morning, is that really a problem?

I think mom has a fetish for people with more flesh. So maybe she should go adopt one overweight child and throw me out. For years, I've been dealing with stress of not eating enough, nonsensical overnight weight loss and being told to look at the mirror. Isn't it stressful?

Well, I'm sorry that I'm one of those few lucky bitches with high metabolism rates who can stuff themselves with pizza, fries and everything fattening for a whole week and still retain the same weight. I'm sorry okay? I sincerely apologise with my butt.

It's not like I don't want to gain some meat. Because of the wrong perceptions I was forced upon, sometimes I get so disgusted with myself when I see my own skinny limbs. Stupid limbs, why don't you suck it up and gain some weight huh. /sighs.

What happened to loving your body as it is? Someone get me a psychiatrist.

On a serious note, I think I do need a psychiatrist because my temper has been running short and I snap easily. Being lonely has also taken its toll on me.

I like being alone because I need to be alone. But at the same time, I shouldn't be alone cause I don't like being lonely. Does that make sense?

On a totally irrelevant note, I think mom is sadistic cause she enjoys watching gore movies.
(Maybe that's why I suffer) Someone get her a psychiatrist too.

That's all. Goodbye.
Hopefully, I stop being irritable already.