Things I don't understand.

During dinner tonight, I left a hint about dating guys and going on dates and boyfriends. I wonder how my mom don't even seem interested in the topic. She just brushed it off so casually.

Actually, many times, I tried using other people as examples like how they have breakups and boyfriends and such, but she just thinks that dating is reductant and it doesn't exist in my life. I've dated before, and she knew that once, and she didn't react too positively about it because she thought I was too young to be dating boys. So, I don't share such information with her. It's only natural since... her reactions are really... scary.

But now, I think I'm entitled to date. Okay, who talks like this anyway? I think I'm at an appropriate age to date. Kinda. And I don't feel like doing it behind her back. Or my parent's backs. Apparently, dad doesn't react well to me dating too. Is this a thing of being an only child? Gosh.

It's tiring to always need to come up with excuses to go out, or go home late, or randomly spend money, or receive gifts or buy gifts. The list goes on. It's just... can't we all be civilised people and let me enjoy a little dating freedom? It's like my mom thinks I'm destined to be forever alone, and I don't date, I'm not interested in guys, guys are not interested in me either and whatever.

Not once did she ask me about guys related stuff. They're just banned from my life. When I say I made new male friends, she would ask why and said that I'm better off making female friends. I'm just like, why not? Male friends are people, female friends are people, why can't I become friends with people? Ridiculous.

It's not like I can marry females when I'm not even les.

And then she will start to regret her choices when I reached the marriage age and can't even find a single boyfriend, or potential boyfriend, or even a close guy friend. Yeah, ain't got no time for regrets yo. I just don't understand!

Conservative. Too conservative.

Leads me to another issue. I think my mom has problems. Maybe.
She thinks I don't get rid of unslightly hair or what.. I don't know what she's thinking. Everytime I wore sleeveless clothes, she will put on a weird expression and tell me not to lift up my arms. I'm pretty speechless. I shaved okay? I waxed okay? There's nothing there okay? Gosh. Do I need to get a IPL treatment too? I feel like banging my head on the wall. Why would I even wear sleeveless shirts when I didn't shave? Gosh. Goshhhhh.

Too narrow minded.
Explains why there're many things I can't voice out. I've got problems haunting me that I can't tell anyone except some. Maybe they'll understand and help me. I don't even need the solution or the help, I just need some assurance and support. But NO. BIG FAT NO. NARROW MINDED. Doesn't understand. Everything that happened is my fault. I caused it. Wallow in my own despair. FINE. I WILL DEAL WITH IT MYSELF. Damnnit.

When will the day come when I can express my feelings and say how I truly feel? I'm not always happy, although I try to be. I have more problems than I lead on and I don't know how to deal with it. Alright, so I've ignored it and pretend it doesn't exist for almost half my life. There's only so much to pretense right? Damnit.

Allow me to be extremely negative and selfish and stupid with no ounce of maturity for once. Most of my problems will be solved if my dad wakes up from his fantasy world, and when my mom opens up her mind a little more.

.............

Age is only but a number.
We're all children.

Good night.


 

University Life

^-^
I'm finally back after eons. I always forget I have a blog. I've been relatively optimistic and cheerful these days, so there's no need to rant. And THAT- is a good thing.

I'm in a private university, but I'm still in Singapore after all, so I have absolutely no idea why I haven't made any Singaporeans friends. Funny. People seem to think I'm from China, for reasons. Well, wait till you hear me speak. I'll blow your brains away. Pssh, judgemental people. Whatever happened to not judge a book by its cover? Typical  /rolls eyes

For the first month in school, I say I'm doing not bad. Well, I'm still kind of lost here and there, but I'll get along. Surviving perfectly well, it's a miracle. I just miss poly life whereby you can still sort of rely on your ever helpful lecturers. Don't get me wrong, the ones in university are helpful too. It's just... the amount of independence you're required to have is overwhelming. You do everything yourself and you email a lot. No one will nag you to attend classes or remind you of the datelines. This is where you make friends. Hah. Why do I sound like I'm using them? I like my friends.

Flash news: I got a boyfriend. Hah. If I still complain I'm lonely, welcome to smack me in my face. I must be retarded. It's kind of quick, in Singapore standards and something I'm not used to, but it's going rather well. Not everyday you meet someone who clicks with you so quickly. It's a good thing I guess. More details are not allowed here  . /insert dry laughter

Side note: I ought to learn Cantonese. My new friends all speak Canto. Plus the boyfriend. My life is tough. I wanted to learn Japanese... Looks like I'll go slightly off track for the meantime.

My house is gonna be under renovation next year. Something which made me so angry that I curse and swear everytime it was brought up. Seriously, the government projects are just... interrupting my life. I need my house to stay alive. My bathroom. My room. My kitchen.

Mom tells me to move out and live in a hostel. I'm just mentally thinking... shall I go drag a luggage full of belongings and move into a random hostel? Crash with my friends. Two weeks of being homeless. Maybe I can try living on the streets also. Okay, bad joke. Hostel, it is.

Just a little biased view of... people. I will not name names. Because it might apply, it might not.
My bestie told me- this person that she knows... One word: A**hole.
I don't even know him and he just sounds like a total jerk already. Yeah, gloat in your money, power and whatever perfect fantasy world you think you're living in. When you finally open your eyes, you'll find that life is more than that. Good luck.  /gives up ranting quickly
He will not dampen my mood!

I have 3 assignments due by the end of this month. Kind of screwed cause I haven't started on them. Someone smack me~  Just lightly will do.

Alright~ That's enough update for a month.
Come back again next month?
Heh.
>-<