How I wish I can express my feelings like that too. Such a cool way. Yet so sad.



White Lies

How much time passed since our happy memories
I can't even try to leave now
Leaving the tender you

I have to laugh in front of you
I have to have a bright smile in front of you
But when I think of you, I start to cry
I have to forget you now
I have to erase you from my memories
I leave you now

If I can meet you just one time
If you can see me
I will show you my everything
All of my hidden love

Even if I am not in the world anymore, I will only wish for your happiness
Don't cry, please don't cry
I can't even wash them away for you

I'm afraid because I might see you
Because my heart might become sadder
I'm going to have to leave you now
Even the common words of I love you, I couldn't say until now that I love you

If I can meet you just one time
If you can see me
I will show you my everything
All of my hidden love

I'll leave now to a place where you don't exist
Like this I'll erase you from me

As time passes if I can see you
If I can just touch you for one day..
I wont ever leave
My love for you that surpasses everything

If I can only breathe next to you

Hello ^^
I'm on a singing spree now. Sang like alot just now. Partly cause nobody was at home. And I was so full I had to sing abit. HAHA Doesn't make sense but that's what I felt :p


Felt quite satisfied. But I damn terribly at english songs. I can't pronounce properly and will end up mumbling. Gosh. Irritating. I thought I was an english speaking person. Guess singing and talking are indeed different ^^

Gosh. He's quite good. And sounded like Jaejoong at some point ^^

Study now! InHT must get A! ^^ Hope I have more common sense than I do during mock test.
Must. Do. Well. Because my InHT project mark is.. EPIC FAIL. Last minute work. SO. Must study. Off to study~ ^^ My appetite is good today! YumYum!

Hello ^^
Sometimes, I hate my expectations. They're too high. If I lower them, I'll feel like I'm looking down on myself. But it's really abit high. What to do? I have high expectations of others too. For no good reasons. LOL What am I saying? Back to comm skills, Trecia!
And I realised, the longer I sleep, the more tired I get. Not nice at all. Lack of sleep results in panda eyes and eye bags. Enough sleep results in.. Come on, sleep will never be enough. When we're still in mom's womb, we're asleep. When we die, we sleep forever. Whatever it is, we sleep. TSK. Can't we be like vampires and not sleep? Anyway, we can sleep all we want when we die right? Yeah.. Difinitely sounds right ^^
BACK TO WORK AGAIN.
I love being a pisces. The mysterious and hard to understand water creature. No wonder I like swimming. I miss it T.T No time + lazy.
Good Night.

Always keep the faith. It applys ^^ SAD MUCH. But I still like that phrase. I actually use it. Always on my mind. Keep the faith. You'll know how things work if you do.

Woohoo~ :D Morning everyone! I know it's noon but I just woke up like half an hour ago.. So it's still morning for me. Somehow, I feel much better. So much better than yesterday. Although, I'm sorry group members, I couldnt go for meeting today =( Sorry girls! Luckily, I contributed yesterday.. That makes me less guilty. BUT. The guilt is there. Dad's a bad teensitter. I regretted staying at home. Banana for breakfast. Seriously!? It makes me hungrier. please! I want food! Demand for food!Whatever. Just give me food!! My mission hasn't ended yet! I must gain weight! *determined* Oh! And I wrote new lyrics. Inspired by.. myself? Sudden inspiration comes from nowhere. Random but I like. Why can't random melodies come as well?? I need melodies! Sigh. It takes time.. Trecia knows. So Trecia will be patient! ^^
Good news time! Ermhem!! Fever - GONE. FLU- Almost GONE. Cough- Soon GONE. Phelgm- ALOT. But I guess having phelgm doesn't matter much. So.. YAY!!! *firecrackers* I'm well again! =D Erm.. I'm high now. For no reason. However, everything happens for a reason. Yet, I can't find the reason. Let's just call it.. Unexplainable Hapiness. Yup! It must be.
Good bye! ^^

I shall not cry. Tears are worthless after all ^^
I have alot of inspirations recently. I'm writting lyrics.. Lyrics that are meant to become Jap songs. I haven't got time to translate them. Well, Jap but not Eng or Chinese cause I think they'll sound nicer in Jap version. The lyrics are like romanized lyrics. So, yeah. Abit poetic. But mostly, moody. Well, I tried a happy song.. It turned out quite fail so I deleted it. From a happy song, it turned into... sth weird. So it's a fail work. But nvm. I think my winter theme song wasn't that bad. I shall find my melody after I translate it. Wakaka. At least i have sth to do besides sch work. HM. This shall be my goal I guess. To complete the song ^^

As promised, I'm gonna dedicate the rest of this post to RiRi.
Rina and I.. met only this year. And I'm glad we clicked. She nice and all. Easy to talk to. Sensitive enough, tho sometimes too sensitive and thinks a little too much. Too TALL! And eats very fast! Overall, great friend. I like how I can be totally honest with her. I mean, there's still alot of things we don't know abt each other, but we got time. We can slowly get along. No probs. But this Rina.. Gotta rant abt something. Forever doin random things at random times. EEMI- for example. Forever doin weird-funny stuff in front of him. Aiyo~ Seriously. Cute yet shakes head, you know. haha. I'm evil. Oh. And, Ms Rina, be guai abit ah. Lecture must listen and take notes okay? Not play maple okay? Guai hor. Haha. Sound like some old woman. LOL ^^

That's it for now. I'm not in the right mood. Bye.

Time to move on :)
Weird.
Things are different now. Slightly different. It's.. unexplainable. My weird thoughts never fails me. Invading my mind at the most inconvenient times. Why thoughts?? WHY!? You epic fail you! Oh well.. Back to normal. I can't talk to my own thoughts can I? It's talking to myself.
HMM. Weird is all I can say. People are weird. Feelings are weird. Behaviour.. weird. It's just weird. Everything is weird. Can I say.. nothing makes sense now?? Ookay, let me correct that, some things makes sense. Like 1+1=2. Yeah, it definitely makes sense. BUT. That's not the point obviously. My world does not make sense. Cause my worries seem to be redundant, thoughts are haywire, inspirations running all over. And to top that, I'm no having any dreams!! It is good or bad? Good in the sense that I have no nightmares. Bad in the sense that I have no life. Ookay, I'm alive but.. it seems empty. Well, apart from friends, sch, food?NO LIFE. Nth to achieve, nth to chase after, nth to fulfil. I need a goal, I guess.

No dreams equals no goals. HM. Maybe I can use that in my presentation. But I doubt anyone will understand me. Gee. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't know!! And now I'm answering my own questions. GREAT. Just awesome. I need a life~ Maybe I should get a course.. Outside course.. Like.. piano or guitar or something. ARGH. Life is fill with emptiness. Ironic. How can emptiness fill up? Don't empty means nothing? Emptiness can't filll up. Maybe.. Life is fill with nothing. Can't fill up with nothing too. HM. Alright, fine. My life is empty. I have nothing. Which is.. kinda true. Well, maybe for some things I do have. But yeah, you know you got my point. I need a goal. Any goal. Anyone wanna give me a goal? I don't want stupid goals like eat 3 bowls of rice a day. I want sth.. meaningful. Like not all that noble also. I'm hard to please, I admit. SIGH. Something is wrong with me. Or maybe it's just this moment.

Oh. My blog is suppose to contain happy things. Can't afford to be emo. Don't like to be emo. Spent so much time being emo already. Time to change. Change change change. Optimistic is how I live. Ehh sounds funny. But whatever. Lalala~

I shall listen to Balloons. It always cheers me up. Makes me feel happy and innocent and carefree. Even if it's only a short 5mins. Worth it. Because, recently, I've been listening to songs like.. 'Hush Hush', 'I'm the best', 'Mission' , 'Pierrot'. That kinda genre you know. Soo.. misson-like, full of myself, confident. Blah blah. Well, listening to songs like this is good, it makes me feel better and boost my ego, somehow. But I feel like I'm gonna plan an assassination or plot world domination. LOL Impossible I know. But have you heard of Mission Impossible? There's a reason for the name behind it you know. Figure it out.

AH, narcissistic me. STOP IT TRECIA. Hey! I just remembered! In Shrek 3 or 2, Shrek wanted to go back to the time 'where the world made sense'. HMM.. He regretted saying that after that. So.. Should my world go back to when everything makes sense? Will I regret like him? I know Shrek is fictitious. BUT. The scriptwriter is not right? There must be a reason for him to write it that way.. I believe every cartoon is tryin to teach us sth. I just know it! I mean, people don't create such cartoons for fun. Except for some that is solely for entertainment purposes.. like teletubbies? I don't what they're telling children. Lie down on the grass and rub your stomach hoping that a TV screen will appear? Oh well.. It won't happen for sure. But seriously,who cares? It's cute! HM.
Dinner time! Bye!

A survivor. That's what I'll be.

The heart is growing fonder.
Everyday with your absence.
Shall we meet soon?
I certainly want to.

I think I'm running out of songs to listen to.. HM. Time to download!

So I was rather childish yesterday :P Oh well, everyone have their moments. No harm done. TEEHEEE. Bye!

So angry. Got scolded for nothing. Seriously. Don't wanna tell me, just say so. Don't need to waste saliva and scold right? Besides, if you don't like Rina, I'm not even Rina. Even if I'm Rina, hey,I was just asking a ques and you exploded. From now on, who dares to ask you ques anymore? Consultation, really? Like we dare to go. Gesh. What a bad person you are. And yeah, I do have a right to use my friend's phone. Not like I stole it or something. But really, you're damn bias. Cause I can tell who you don't like and who you like. Democratic? Words.. Words spoken doesn't prove anything unless there are actions. Actions? None so far, but you did succeed in proving yourself wrong. So congrats to you I guess. I thought you were nice. But you're not. Phew. Glad I saw it early. And.. I'm doubting the story you told us. Like.. I'm asking to confirm something and that makes you a street directory.. So.. Why would you go help that student who got pregnant? I mean, it's non of your business and you're not her mother or father or family. I know you're a student advisor. BUT really. Small matters you won't help, big matters you will? Gee. I know you like that student, you said it yourself. But you're pretty damn bias. Super bias. Don't you learn OB? In society, we can't be bias. We have to go according to logic and truth and what's right. Biasness get nobody anywhere. You can't choose a side. If you do, a party will get wronged. HM. Maybe that's why you don't teach OB. I perfectly understand :) Since I'm such a good OB student, I shall be a saint and forget it. I mean, obviously I must right. If I don't, it's not like I can go punch you or something. And being angry makes me stress. Not like I'm not stress enough. SHALL FORGET IT. *feels much better after scolding*

Another person that angers me. Puah June Leong. Heck, I'm not even bothered if he's gonna accidentally read my blog. I mean, this is my blog. I can bash you. You don't like it. So what? These are your own actions, you gotta be responsible for them. Call it cyber bullying. BLAHS. Do I look like I care? -.- Yup,you are right, I don't care, in case you don't get it. As usual. Like so slow. Do you really need like 2mins to process everything? Simples ques, you don't understand. ERM. I don't get it also. All you do is play game,play game, sleep, watch videos. Peer evaluation, you're gonna die. I'm not gonna be nice to you and go easy cause AWW you're my fren. NOPE. Damn wrong. You didn't do anything and you want the marks? No free lunch in this world okay? Unless I'm generous enough to 'treat' you. BUT. Hey! I don't even like you. But that's beside the point, you DIDNT do anything! So, no marks! SIMPLE. And.. I'm really not interested in you as a friend or what. So don't try and ask me stupid things like : ''Eh look at this pic. you think I look like gangster?" Honestly, I dont give a damn what you look like. You do your work and leave me alone. ALSO. Don't tell me where you went, what your friend say, what they do. I didn't ask, I dont want to know. You do your work and shut up. I'm cracking my brains helping you to do the stuff you're in charge of and you're sitting there, on fb, trying to chat? Seriously? All I can say is DO NOT DISTURB. Oh. I remembered. You said previously that I was your type. Please. My lunch is finding its way out. Continue to be like this, you'll never find a gf. Not like I do care whether you'll find one or not. BUT. Do not attempt anything weird like trying to get me to chat with you or be nice to you or whatever. Cause you do not exist in my world. I have a BF. You're certainly not anybody's type. Right now. That I can guarantee. I'm mean. Yup. Did I ever say I'm nice? If I did, oh well, probably proves that you're dumb enough. Or maybe it's just what you think. LALALA. Anyway, good luck to you. I feel damn good bashing you. You better read this. Or maybe you shouldn't. Cause I wouldn't want you asking me what I meant and stuff. Waste my precious time. TEEHEEE.

Return to the days where things were much more perfect. Why didnt I cherish it then? Wonder.

I think I might need a new private blog nowadays. People are getting on my nerves easily. Or maybe it's the weather. Or the projects. Or my mense is coming soon. Like it's not already irritating enough I'm suddenly having pimples again. Grr. Stupid mense. Can you just faster come and go away? I dont like pimples on my face. *cries*
So nice. InHT leader is quite useless. Or should I say.. doesnt exist? We're doing a two day 8 page plus many other miscellaneous things report. TWO DAYS. Seriously, how can we finish it? I've cracked my brain since morning and I only managed to get the points and summarise the history. REALLY. THIS IS BULLSHIT. Totally.. crazy. BUT. For the sake of my GPA, I shall do it. BUT. I still got my own subj to do a report on. And it's not easy also. Gaa. What is this nonsense? Should stop doing last min work. Or maybe just don't rely on that person that doesn't exist anymore. BLAHS.

Yay I reached 600 posts. LOL. Nth to say. Just feel so nonchalent abt.. like everything? Current life : Not satisfactory. I don't think I'll ever be satisfied anyway.. So yeah. Just forget it la. Being bothered doesn't help also. I'll just forget it and con myself. Hah. Easy.
What am I saying.

- You might hear about a #Pisces that "abruptly" ended a relationship but u will never hear about one that cheated
-making others feel good in turn makes #Pisces feel good
-Their compassion and empathy seems to be without bounds when dealing with #Pisces, which makes them a great ally for anyone
-#Pisces have a way of making you excited about living life.
-Even in the worst of storms, a #Pisces will never panic and will maintain their poise. Its only water & we're fish
-With #Pisces Females always choose gifts with meaning and significance, and ignore brand names, coolness or any other factor.
-A #Pisces will expect you to hold his or her hand no matter where you are together because they arent ashamed of you
-To walk down the street with a #Pisces friend is like entering a magic realm
-#Pisces is hot. A strange thing to say about a water sign...or is it?
-When it comes to glamor and high fashion, #Pisces wrote the book.
-#Pisces can keep secrets, so this is someone you can tell about you fears and insecurities.
-Dont try to cross a #Pisces becuase we can feel it coming two miles down the road
-#Pisces stand firmly for what they believe in.
Proud to be a Pisces. Heh :p

I am actually quite good at self entertaining. My newly found talent. While waiting for my friends to finish eating their icecream, I was having fun with Rina's Iphone. The cam app is so amazing. It can make your face funny and distorted and what else not. So funny~ I laughed to myself till I drooled and teared. Gosh. I'm such a pro. Yes I know. The photos will probably be up on fb I guess. If Rina decided to post them for me :) Heheh. Cant wait to see them again! :D Some are niceee~ In a bad way. Like really distorted. Sighs. I'm getting unglam these days. Super unglam. What's wrong with you huh? *scolds myself* Anyway, I've finished editing my econs report. Didn't realise I did it abit wrongly. But nvm! It's awesome and completed now! Hurray! I'm actually quite sleepy now.. But I shall wait till tonight before I collapse. I still have a movie to catch. I find myself turning childish. What to do? :/
Byes

Classic old JJ Lin song. Ahhh..Things are always better if they're all simple. Treat this as a good night song, world. (I'm using the term world cause i don't actually know who're reading my blog. So.. Let's just pretend the whole world is reading it!)
:D

DONe with work!! Yayyyy~
Time for dream anaylsis! yayyy~
Hm. My dream.. I cant rem!! Dream anaylsis fail. Sigh. Forget at the RIGHT time. Damn. Next time then. Anyway. I was awaken cause my neighbour was quarrelling. He kept shouting, nvm, i still can sleep. Dozing off again.. Then a super loud 'THUD'. I jump awake. Damn. Such a wonderful way to wake up. Tsk. Spare a thought for the sleeping people yo. It's sunday morning and it's only 11am! GRR. Whatever. Dream analysis fail. *grumbles* Shall go sleep now. Oh!

Before that, I found a new Jap drama to watch!! Actually wanted to watch Jaejoong's Heaven postman. BUT. Only a few mins.. the quality is poor. The story seems boring. I mean, Jaejoong spend like 10mins lying on the grass, talking to himself and reaching his hand to the sky. Eh.. Very sorry, Jaejoong might be my super-like person, but it's damn boring! Can't deny it. And I think he and the girl doesn't match. Not being bias! But really. They look so weird together. The girl looks like Jap though.. I wonder of she actually is one. But doesn't matter! She got a kiss sceme with him! wahaha. Eh.. It shouldn't be a happy thing for a fan right? Oh well. I'm not a fan. I just like him that's all. I shall call him.. Jaejoong the smiley alien. Cause he makes me happy and cause he's a weirdo. Like how I'm suppose to be angry that day cause I'm late for BCS. But I went to twitter and saw my Jaejoong background.. Trouble. I couldn't stop re-freshing my page after that. Heheh :x And I practically showed off my background to the whole world.. Gaa. What am I saying? Then Eunhyuk shall be.. Eunhyuk the monkey machine. Done! Cause he's a dancing machine and he looks like a monkey too. So yeah. wakaka. I still have my monkey luck charm I made at Kelly's house. My wish is still inside. I bring it everywhere I go yo~ Such good memories. Haha. That's one of the thing I cherish the most. Hope it doesn't spoil or sth. Can't lose it. So dont try and steal it from me! I'll probably kill you.Whoever you are. *totally serious glare* Hm. Do Kelly still have her dolphin too? LOL. Will not ask her, too embarrassed to do so. heh. I'm kinda curious what she wrote inside. I didn't ask. Oh. It's suppose to be secret! hmm. I kinda miss the old days. Shall not be too sentimental. Does me no good. Time for bed!
Sweet dreams world :)
Good night!

Lalala! After all the nonsense, it's time to do proper work now! *sniffs* How I wish I can play forever. *childish thoughts* Sighs. Time to grow up for awhile and finish my two microecons report! JY Trecia! ;) *winks to myself* Then, I can play after this! Wahaha. Byebye~

So, I've decided to analysis another dream. heh quite addicted :x
Shall choose the nightmare.

"Jaejoong and Junsu were on holiday. And I'm suppose to be their tour guide. BUT. Throughout the whole trip, Jaejoong kept ignoring me like I was invisible and Junsu kept pushing me. If he see anything, wall, pillar, dustbin, people, he will push me to bang it. Irritating. NVM. I shall forgive him. Then, don't know which annoying one, claimed that he's hungry. And he practically stopped and just sat on the floor, refused to move. The other one followed. SO. Me, the poor tour guide must go find food for them. Went up the escalator in a mall with my bagpack. Walked past a lingerine shop and saw two guys stealing woman's lingerine?? WTH. It looks damn wrong. So I scolded them and said that they should go steal guys one. Not like they steal girls one they can wear like that. (woah. whole lot of singlish!) They just look at me and grab me bag and stuff the stolen items inside. I was like 0.o I dont want!! They ran away. The shopkeeper came running. I ran down crying like I got murdered. Jaejoong just stared at me like I grew another head. Dont know what Junsu did. Hopefully he solved the prob. But we still spent the night in a cell. Jaejoong still refused to talk to me."

This nightmare. Haha. Damn long. Here it goes~

Cry

• Self-expression, including hurt, sadness, anger, frustration, desperation, loneliness, etc.—consider your feelings when you were crying during the dream
• An alert that something needs attention (when a person or baby cries, they often need help or support)

Yup.. I needed attention in the dream.LOL

Escalator

• Assistance or help in getting where you want or accomplishing what you want in life
• Movement between the levels of consciousness (subconscious, conscious, spiritual(LOL), etc.), which are represented by arriving at various floors

A head or skull can represent that person's identity, personality, life, mood or state of mind, among many other things. Pay attention to how and where the head appears and what stands out about it.

Erm.. I grew another head? So.. ehh.. I'm crazy?

Dreaming of a specific holiday can mean:

• You're thinking of some event around that time, either an event from the past or one that you expect, want, or dread in the future (I want a holiday!!)
  
• The holiday is setting the scene or mood for the dream (for example, a Christmas party may just represent a celebratory mood or special occasion in general)

Ignore

Others ignoring you can mean you're feeling overlooked or disrespected or invisible in some aspect of your life.

Really??

Night
Mystery or uncertainty. Stealth or sneakiness. Something of a questionable nature.

Something is happening at night can represent:

• Something in your real life happening without others finding out, or where stealthy motives are involved
• Something in your life that you keep to yourself and do not tell others about

Will I go to jail secretly nx time? :( Nope. I'm a ninja!

Someone stealing money or something else from you can mean:

• You're feeling that life—or something in it—feels very demanding right now, or that people are tending to want things from you—especially in manipulative ways
• You're feeling disrespected, not validated, or undervalued somehow

Nope. Not true.

A mall, shopping center, or market can represent your life or several aspects of your life, with each store or area representing an activity, relationship, job or aspect of school, project, etc. Consider your feelings about the places in the shopping center and the dream events that happen there, and look for parallels with feelings and events in your real life.

Food? *drools* Needa eat more.

Conclusion : I'm a crazy person that needs a holiday and needs to eat more. I'm probably hungry in my sleep. Maybe I've have a secretive career next time. Heh. Totally amusing myself.

:p

Woah. Yijing found something interesting for me to do. Interpreting my dreams. Heheh. Seems fun. Shall do it. Hmm.. My dream. I bought Xiaoxiaobin to the toilet and then became late for school cause there's a hamster on my bag and i dont know what to do with it.

Hm. my bag wasnt stolen or lost.. So I guess the bag part doesnt count.

A boy in a dream can represent many different things. For clues to his meaning, consider the context of the boy and your feelings about him.

Whether you know the boy or not, he could represent:

• The key characteristics that stand out about him in the dream, such as humor, protectiveness, maschismo, intelligence, etc.
• General young male characteristics such as curiosity, protectiveness, strength, or assertiveness or aggression
• Your inner child, your playfulness and need for fun, or your vulnerability and need for support and empathy

ERm.. to the toilet?? Nth said. Forget it.

Hamster- Curious, nosey, tending to get into everything. The idea that focusing on the small things can bring big results. The feeling that something is pestering you, "gnawing away at you," or "nickel and diming" you. Dreaming of this animal can represent:

• Having too much of one of these qualities, or that you could benefit by being less this way. (so true!!)
  
• Not having enough of one of these qualities, or that you could benefit by being more like this
• Someone or something in your real life with whom you associate one of these qualities (an event, situation, threat, etc.

Moma's nagging is getting to me?? :/

Arriving late for something can mean:

• Whatever you are late for in the dream represents something very important to you in real life (yeah, like sch)
  
• You're neglecting a responsibility
• You'd like to avoid the thing you're late for(true), you're dreading it, or you're afraid of failure
• You're feeling passive-aggression towards an authority that is represented by whatever you're late for
• You feel you have too much on your mind or on your schedule, or that you're feeling disorganized

Being late and feeling bad about it can mean you are experiencing or fearing a loss of control, or of being controlled by outside circumstances, somehow in your life.

I didnt feel bad.. So it's a good thing I suppose.

Toilet - Getting rid of things, especially things that are used up, that are no longer needed, that have gone bad or are toxic. Examples might include outdated or toxic thoughts, emotions, judgments, beliefs, people or relationships.

An overflowing toilet (a toilet that will not flush) can represent a problem getting rid of the things described above—perhaps an unwillingness to let go of toxic or outdated aspects of your life, which are now polluting your mind, body, or life.

Something you value getting flushed down the toilet can mean that you feel that you've lost something, or that you let something go that you believe you should have held onto in your life.

That's xiaoxiaobin's part..

That's all! Hm. Conclusion. I'm being nagged at too much and sch's really important to me now. How true :)